MSTin' is Racin'
by SongoofTimeRULES
Summary: Sakura guest MSTs in this terrible fan fiction about Kasey Kahne and his girlfriend... fighting, maybe? Not only a shameless self insertion fic, a sexist one at that. Rated M for language, not sexiness.


A MST of a NASCAR fanfiction.

…In conjunction to shikaru's wonderful stories on You know I hate these, but here goes… I don't own NASCAR, I don't own Kasey, or Mikey, or kevin, or Macy, although I doubt Michael copyrighted her. I don't own the channals mentioned, the sponsors mentioned, or any characters otherwise mentioned. Oh yeah, or Kasey's mom. Don't own her. I don't own the name 'Saiyuki', but in my defense, I'd never heard of the bloody manga when I came up with the name four years ago. It just sounded cool, and like Samantha. I don't own part-time MSTer Sakura. I don't own Kim. I don't own ANYONE! Except Sam and Meadow. And, for the record, Averel is NOT Avril Lavigne. Okay, now no one can sue my ass. Moving along…

>this fic is not real its all fiction..

Saiyuki: Holy crap.

Meadow: Why would we think it actually happened? I'm confused.

>It is may 13 2004 in richmond virgina, and kasey kahne is getting ready for his post race interveiw.

Devon: I counted nine errors.

Saiyuki: It's not really fair to make fun of this. It's like laughing at the Special-Ed department.

Sam: …Which you do, Mom.

Saiykui: Oh, go die!

>His girlfriend ashley is getting ready to meet him at the track after his talk with a speed channel person.

Sam: (Kasey) Uh… I won.

Averel: And then he completely throws himself out of the camera's range, and you see his hands shake.

>She tells him shell

Averel: Ugh. Clams.

Sam: Or crabs; they come in shells.

Sakura: Ashley has crabs. Oooh, Sam, you're so clever.

>be out there in 15 minutes after she uses the restroom.

Sam and Meadow: Thanks for sharing.

>He says "ok" he leaves.

Saiyuki: Kasey Kahne is a man of few words.

Sam: This may be the most accurate description of what the itty bitty squirt would say.

Meadow: No, then he'd mug up the camera and chug a Mountain Dew.

Devon: And then those Michael Waltrip twins from the old NAPA commercials would show up and go, "What a famewhore! NAPA Chevy Staples Oreo cookie." And point, and laugh, and scrunch up their noses.

Sakura: And bounce Macy Waltrip on their knees.

Saiyuki: We so need to go into advertising.

>the interviewer says " kasey how is life right now in general?"

Sam: (Kasey) I keep crashing into things! For the love of God, someone please intervene! Please, SOMEONE, do not let me get in a racecar on Sunday!

Sakura: (Dodge exec.) Sneaks up behind Kasey and ethers him. Uhh, nothing to see here!

>kasey" life is good, i mean i have a wonderful girlfriend, im racing,and i think well win someday."

Averel: And, lo and behold, he does. Richmond, that little bitch.

Sakura: …And it was good?

>kasey says laughing.interviewer " how does your girlfriend feel about you getting all the attention?"

Meadow: (girlfriend) PISSED! OFF!

Devon: Why is this in script format?

Saiyuki: Why do fools fall in love?

>kasey " i dont know exactly but i dont think she is one to get too jealus,

Averel: Yeah, I doubt she's jelus at all.

>i try to give her all the attention i can but it gets really hard at times, but she does tend to get alittle jealus but >who wouldnt"

Sam: What the fuck? Is this Doctor Phil? Why is he telling, basically, the world the smallest details that make up his relationship, emotionally?

Sakura: I know! He completely just admitted he fails at making time for her, she's a jealous bitch, that they have a strained relationship, and that he completely disregards the problems as eveyday!

>interviewer " thats true, so do you think youll come in the top 10 today at least?"

Saiyuki: Great reporter they got out there, disregarding this sordid tale of a broken relationship and shifting immediately over to racin'.

>kasey " i hope i do, my car ran really good in qualifing

Devon: 'Well'. It ran 'well' at 'qualifying'.

>and i would hate to not come in at least at 10th. but im gonna push for 1st"

All: And crash into our boys, you over-exposed jackass!

Sam: I swear, you clip Tony and send him into the wall ONE MORE TIME…

>interveiwer " well thank you kasey for your time and good luck today out there."

Sam: (Interviewer) He doesn't know I let all the air out of his tires! Mwahahahaha!

>kasey " thank you..and your welcome. ashley is now out there on pit road waiting for kasey. he comes up >behind her and kisses her neck.

Sam: Right.

Sakura: Kahne's probably more chaste than Buddha.

Averel: (Kasey's mom) Kasey only thinks about unicorns! And ice cream! And hopscotch!

>kasey " hey" ashley " hey there, how was the interview?" kasey " it was good. they might show it on speed >channel"

Sam: Not to nitpick…

Saiyuki: But…

Sam: If this is pre-race, the affiliates show all interviews live.

Saiykui: But this is for SPEED, so maybe it's for NASCAR Nation.

Sam: If you say so…

>ashley" really thats cool, but you should probally go and get ready for the race. they might need you for >something i'll sit here and watch you..if im not here when the race is over im in the rv ok"

Sakura: Attention. Attention. You are smothering the Kahne. You are smothering the Kahne. Back away from the hottie.

>kasey " ok sweety i love you"

Devon: AUGH! 'Sweety'?

>ashley" i love you too" they kiss each other good bye and kasey goes and gets ready.

Devon: What the hell? They talked to Kasey before he'd even put on his fire suit?

Averel: Hey, yeah, on '360' it showed him waking up at 7:00 and putting it on!

Sakura: Remember his abs?

Averel: They were hard to forget.

>it is halfway thru

Saiyuki: Thru? Kasey went to McDonald's?

Devon: Now is hardly the time to start calling her on her spelling mistakes.

>the race and kasey is running 3rd.

Sam: (Darrel Waltrip) And Sterling Marlin crashes on the straightaway…

Averel: Oh, when is he NOT crashing into the straightaway?

>ashley is back in the rv eating pizza.

Devon: Ugh, even Kenny Wallace's lady manages to drag herself into the pit box. Great support there, Assley.

>she is patiently waiting for the race to be over so she can spend time with kasey but she know that after the >race hell

Sakura: (driver) Racin' is hell.

Devon: (Tom Cruise) And rubbin' is racin'! I know racin', have you ever talked to all the drivers? Ashley, Ashley, you're glib! Here, here's a free copy of 'Dianetics'. Exorcise your aliens. Ta!

>do more interviews and then talk to his crew and some other stuff

Sam: (Ashley) I'm not very 'hands-on', as one might say.

Sakura: (Ashley) Yeah, and then he does some stuff and then he comes home and then we make out and I'm all, 'Whatever' when he says he want's to do it, 'cause EW, ya know?

>and by the time he gets in the rv it will probally be 1 or 2 in am..

Saiyuki: What! Dude, the race is over by six, at most. What's he doing that's taking seven hours?

Sam: Yeah, even night races are done by nine or ten.

>so she decides to write her mom, becouse she is frustated she doesnt know if she should stay with kasey or >if she is just being selfish for wanting kasey to her self

Averel: I don't get it… How is he not all hers because of racing?

Sam: Three words: Jeff. Gordon's. Abs.

Saiykui: Hey, y'all. Let's take a moment to appreciate that run-on sentence.

(Everyone is silent for a moment.)

>and she needs advise this is what the letter says:

Devon and Saiyuki: (singing) Do you looooove me? Do you want to be my friend, and if you do! Well, then don't be afraid to take me by the hand, if you want to! I think this is how love goes, check yes or no!

Sam: George Strait… God, he sure can write a love song.

>Dear mom, i need your advise, i love kasey with all my heart and soul,but i hardley ever get any attetion from >him any more, it seemslike right now all he cares about is his racing!

Sakura: (Ashley) And he bought me this Louis Vuitton purse, because he makes just oodles of money, but still! It totally sucks that I have to all be in a RV and stuff when I could party!

Averel: (Ashley) I mean, KEVIN HARVICK even comes home earlier, and it's soooooo weird because he's all sweaty and stuff and waving at Junior… What's that all about?

Devon: (sigh) I'm pretty sure I raised you better than to make pot-shots at slash couples while mocking things. Shame.

Averel: Sorry, ma'am. (hangs her head)

>i know he cares about me but its so hard to tell when he shows it becouse hes allways getting asked for >autographs,or pics, or something.

Sam: (Ashley) And quite frankly, if I hear 'let me bear you child' one more time…!

>mom, am i being selfish for wanting to be with the man i want to spend the rest of my life with? or should i >leave him and date a simple man who doesnt have a fan base?

Saiyuki: I get the suspicion that she dated him because of that fan base.

Devon: Kurt Busch's Girl 2: Electric Bugaloo.

>help me!

Devon: Oh, honey, there is no help for narcissistic bitches.

Saiykui: Yeah. Ever seen 'Gone with the Wind'?

>love, ashley thats what the letter said about 3 days later she got a letter

Averel: That was fast.

>from her mom and this is what that said:

Sam: (Mom) Dear Ashley: Leave Kasey. Not for your sake, for his. Toodles, Mom.

>dear ashley, I think you need to stop and try to be in kasey's shoes how would you feel if you had a girlfriend

Saiyuki: She'd be a lesbian, and therefore would not have this problem.

>and you also had a dream you are fullfilling at the same time? you and i both know he loves you and would >do any thing for you. i think you are being selfish but then again your a girl

All: WHAT!

Sakura: What does being a girl have to do with being a bitch?

Averel: I mean, we're not all trying to get Rhett Butler to marry us!

Saiyuki: If this wasn't probably written by a toddler, I'd pimp-smack this woman into next year!

Devon: Boo! Hiss!

>but you have to try harder to understand what hes going thru so all i ask is for you to try! im giving you my >advise you can take it or leave it.

Sam: If this was my mom? I'd leave it.

>love, mom. thats what that one said..so ashley decides to take her moms advise. and she talks to kasey. >Ashley

Averel: I'm pregnant, so now you CAN'T leave!

>" kasey we need to talk asap"

Sam: ASAP? Is this WWI? Is the Red Baron sending reinforcements…?

>kasey" ok.let me finish up here and i ll be right in" kasey enters the rv kasey" you wanted to talk"

Sam: Why couldn't they talk outside…?

>ashley" yea, i feel really stupid and selfish

Devon: Probably because you are.

>and i need you to listen to me ok"

Saiyuki: She admitted to being selfish, as if in reform, then did something selfish. Now she's just a liar, and I have no reason to ever take her seriously.

>kasey" ok talk to me sweety" ashley" i feel like im not getting much attetion from you, and i know its selfish >to want you all to my self

Sam: Again with the immediately broken promises!

>and i try not to get jealus when other woman talk to you

Sakura: …I cannot even express how angry this makes me. There are, quite literally, no words.

Averel: Try 'What a bitch!'

>but i do only becouse i love you and im a girl..

Saiyuki: OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU IDIOT.

Devon: "I only pretend to not be jealous, but since I'm a girl, I do!"!

Averel: What kind of sexist pig wrote this? Next thing you know, she'll be fucking making pies in the kitchen and spitting out babies.

>but i do understand what your going thru rite now

Sam: No, you don't. You are so at completely different levels.

>so i think we need to make time for us to spend together,just us doing what ever we want.maybey on >mondays the whole day can be just for us"

Saiyuki: Monday's are interviews. Michael said that almost the whole day is filled up with different things you have to do. You're, like, contractually obliged.

>kasey" its not stupid how you feel,i think its cute..

Sam: You think rampant jealousy and deep-seated emotional issues are sexy?

Sakura: (Kasey) But then, I also think wooden legs are sexy.

>lol..

All: AAAH!

Sam: I think I'm going to vomit…

Sam hurls into a nearby wastebasket.

>i love you too, and i want you to know that no matter how many woman want pic and autographs, your still >the only woman i think of besides my mom.

Sam: Ewwwwww!

Sakura: Oh my GOD, did he just admit to have sexual feelings about his MOM?

Averel: Or at least THOUGHTS?

>lol.

Saiyuki: Oh, god dammit! Shut UP with the 'lol'!

>and mondays sound like a really good idea. well do that..mondays will be our day! ill tell my crew not to ever bother us on monday unless its a dire

Sam: 'Dire'? That came outta no where.

Averel: It's like seeing 'exponentially' in the middle of 'My Little Pony'…

Sakura: Just doesn't jive.

>emergency how does that sound"

Devon: It sounds like you not doing you job.

Sam: Yeah, if Kasey was a doctor, would he turn off his beeper?

>ashley" that sounds great! kasey" good now lets eat im hungry! they kiss and they eat and have a great time... >the end!

Sam: Oh my God, thank you Jesus.

Meadow: Kim doth wait no longer, a fiction where everyone just sat around and ate pancakes.

Sam: I think Kim wanted an episode of 'CSI' to end like that, not this.

---

Okay, y'all. How'd you like it? I realize Sakura's a little out-of-character, but it does make for some interesting writing, right? I hope you liked it, and if you would review, that'd be twice as nice. However, if you have any questions, comments, observations, or you spot some problems, you can always e-mail me at ! Finally, thanks to all my friends, who sat in a musty computer room and yelled at the screen.


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